


The Duck Dick Fic

by moist_breadslap



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Anal Sex, Crack, Eventual Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Humor, M/M, Rubber Ducks, Sex Toys, Smut, This Is STUPID
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-07
Updated: 2018-04-07
Packaged: 2019-04-19 19:31:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14244213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moist_breadslap/pseuds/moist_breadslap
Summary: Dan's been a naughty boy, it's time to get punished by his best friend.Or a fic to make you hate rubber ducks. *evil, loud villain laughs*





	The Duck Dick Fic

**Author's Note:**

> let me give you a backstory to how this fic came into fruition. I joked about writing a fic where Dan got fucked with the same rubber duck from Dan's bath selfie. I started writing and did about five lines before realising, that, no I DO NOT WANT TO SIN THIS WAY. But, the lord works in mysterious ways and I slept for fourteen hours and then wrote the rest of this. 
> 
> please, enjoy this. I need kudos and comments because im desperate to be liked. please.

Dan was relaxing in the bath after a long and efficient day of working. He'd been scrolling through people's twitter and instagram accounts all day and the hard work had clearly taken its toll. Especially on his fingers as he felt he was developing Arthritis.  

 

He was thinking about how well he had perfected the skill of not accidently liking someone's post from exactly 265 days ago and cause worries that he's stalking them, when he decided to do something only middle-aged female characters do in movies on the hallmark channel.  

 

Take a picture of his body with well positioned bubbles covering his nips. With the creative addition of a big ass duck.  

 

It was approximately 25 selfies later and so much time had passed, his skin had began to wrinkle and the bath was colder than Edward's skin in Twilight.  

 

He still stayed there for an extra 30 minutes, deciding which photo to upload and send his fans into overdrive. And also inspire fan fiction to be written about him and his BF Phil Lester: King of Youtube (self-proclaimed).  

 

He finally picked the perfect picture and posted it before placing his phone on the floor in order to get out to save himself from being stuck in the moist, freezing cold abyss of his bathtub, like many fallen soldiers before him.  

 

\-- 

 

Finally dry and about 75% clothed (sometimes a lads gotta have their arms out), he travelled into the living room to sit with Phil, his platonic bro, and watch a bit of trashy (legally obtained) television.  

 

"Oh my god!" Phil shouted, clearly terrified of something.  

 

Dan heard it and ran to find out what or who was scaring his flat buddy. "What's wrong?" He shouted slightly out of breath, even though he only ran about five steps. He was seriously at the peak of fitness.  

 

"Did you use my new bubble bath?" Phil asked, hands on his hips.  

 

"What...?" A confused Dan responded.  

 

"Dan! I said to you before you went in to not use my new bubble bath. And don't say you didn't because I obviously saw the picture on Instagram! Those bubbles are mine! You stole my bubbles!" Phil ranted, waving his hands in the air.  

 

"Oh. I'm sorry." Dan replied, annoyed that he ran five steps to save his pal from whatever danger he had somehow found himself in.  

 

"You owe me something." Phil said simply, sitting down. He stared at television (there was nothing on it), waiting for a response.  

 

"Okay, sure. Like a massage?" Dan offered, taking his normal place by Phil. Sitting as close as two people can without sitting on each other (which has accidently happened. Due to Phil's lack of balance and Dan's inability to leave enough room on Phil's side of the sofa).  

 

"No. I'll tell you later what I want" Phil said happily before skipping to his bedroom and quietly closing the door. Leaving Dan confused about what the fuck Phil wanted him to do.  

 

Dan hoped Phil didn't want to paint Dan's nails again. The first time was a goddamn mess, the second time would surely be no better. Obviously, Dan had no idea about the phrase "practice makes perfect" as he would never have come to these conclusions.  

 

Scared at the future safety of his fingernails, Dan quietly padded to his bedroom. Sparing a curious/confused/concerned (lots of slashes) to Phil's bedroom before slipping into his own to start what would be five hours of endless scrolling on Tumblr. Not at all avoiding the NSFW Phan tag, instead, welcoming it because Dan loved that kind of shit.  

 

\-- 

 

"Dan...?" Phil whispered into the pitch black darkness of his friends room, hoping he was still awake.  

 

Well, of course he was! It was only bloody 5am! And Dan had just hit the flood of Phan porn that always seemed to just be in his recommendations. Drawings upon drawings of man on man contact. His and Phil's fans were quite talented and he would be lying if he said it didn't stir something deep inside that he thought he'd forgotten along with Llamas, Delia Smith and Danosaur.  

 

It's not because the pictures are of Phil, no way! Just seeing a throbbing rock hard (not to mention huge) dick kinda had that effect on him. He's fairly sure he could get turned on by Trump x Pence fics at this point.  

 

"Yeah?" He whispered back, shocked at how croaky he sounded. He cleared his throat.  

 

"You can owe me back now." Phil spoke in a low voice.  

 

Dan shifted in bed to lean against the headboard. A yellow glow lit up the room as he flicked on his bedside lamp. He focused on Phil, standing at the end of his bed, trying to study his face.  

 

His hair was stood up, giving him a quiff, and he was holding a small bottle in his left hand and his other hand was hidden behind his back.  

 

"Really, Phil? It's kinda late." Dan replied in an equally hushed voice.  

 

"Yeah. Now." He said simply. He made his way over to Dan's bed. Well, to say Dan was confused was an understatement.  

 

Dan felt the bed dip from Phil's weight and felt his hands come down by his sides. "Phil, what are you doing?" Dan whispered even quieter than before.  

 

Phil shushed him and leaned down closely to his face. He pressed a small, quick kiss to Dan's dry lips. God, he really needed some chapstick.  

 

"What...?" Dan questioned, but his moment of contemplation was abruptly interrupted by Phil.  

 

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that" Phil moved to get off the bed but was stopped by Dan holding on to his arms at either side of him.  

 

"No" Dan spoke so quietly, he wasn't sure that Phil heard.  

 

Phil went still as he turned his body to face Dan. "No?" he asked.  

 

"Don't go" Dan whispered before he pulled Phil by his shirt towards him and smacked his lips on to his platonic bros soft lips.  

 

Phil pressed forward into the kiss, a little surprised at how things had turned out, despite what he had actually planned.  

 

Dan swiped his tongue across Phil's lips, waiting for entrance and Phil granted it him. They were basically just sharing spit now.  

 

Phil threaded his hands into the brunettes (a glorified word for brown hair) hair, eliciting a moan from Dan.  

 

Dan pulled away suddenly and Phil was scared that he'd gone to far.  

 

Dan cleared his throat. "What the hell is this, Phil?" He asked, holding a toy duck in front of him, he'd found it behind Phil lying on the bed covers. It was the same toy duck from his earlier selfie, that caused people's phones to run out of memory due to how many times they had saved the picture.  

 

"Well, I thought that because you liked my bubble bath so much, that you might like a toy duck up your ass." Phil whispered seductively into Dan's, sending shivers down his spine and sound waves to his brain so that he could respond, accordingly.  

 

Dan swallowed harshly, thinking up a reply. Phil's words went straight to his dick and it was already bulging, he was fairly sure that Phil could feel it. He just nodded, excited to finally get some dick (considering that living with his best friend makes it completely impossible to bring anyone there, he'd basically been celibate for the better half of eight years).  

 

Phil rocked his hips into Dan's, causing Dan to release guttural moans, similar to that of a porn star. Their lips met again in a sloppy mess of spit, clashing teeth and soft lips.  

 

Dan grabbed at the hem of Phil's shirt and broke away from the kiss, momentarily, to pull the shirt of the blue-eyed boys' pale, milky as fuck body.  

 

Dan was already topless, deciding long ago that he didn't like wearing shirts in bed because they rubbed too much on his nip nips (or Kim and Kanye, as he sometimes refers to his nipples as).  

 

Pushing himself down on the bed for comfort, Dan knocked into a bottle of lube and softly brushed up against Phil's clothed prominent erection.  

 

Phil positioned himself in between Danny boy's legs and pressed his fingertips into the waistband of the brown-eyed-brown-haired's boxers, pulling them off swiftly and throwing them somewhere where they probably won't be found as Dan's room was irreverently messy.  

 

He felt around the mattress for the lube before Dan found it and handed it to him with shaky hands.  

 

He popped the lid off and warmed it up between his thumb and fingers. Dan had already spread his legs as wide as possible and waited in anticipation.  

 

"Are you sure, Dan?" Phil whispered, mistaking Dan's excited state for a nervous, hesitant one.  

 

Dan nodded excessively, shuffling closer to Phil. "Yeah, I want it. I want you." He whispered back. 

 

"We can stop at any time, just say it and we'll stop" Phil spoke and Dan nodded showing he understood. This turned Dan on even more because consent is fucking sexy.  

 

Phil circled the tight, puckered hole with his lubed up finger and slipped it in slowly. He was aware of how long it had been since Dan had done anything like this (again, it would've been pretty awkward not to mention disgusting considering neither of them leave the flat) and was careful to go slow.  

 

He allowed for Dan to adjust to one finger before pushing in another. He started thrusting his two fingers in and out of the hot area (whilst thinking about the song Burning Up by The Jonas Brothers, truly an underrated classic).  

 

He spread Dan's hole some more, inserting a third and fourth finger to help accommodate The Duck.  

 

Phil watched as Dan became a sweating, buckling wreck under him, screaming obscenities and chanting Phil's name.  

 

Phil pulled out his fingers out of Dan's asshole, leaving him clenching around nothing and pouting like the spoiled girl for Charlie and the Chocolate Factory ("I want a duck dick and I want it now" is what Dan would've said if he could even bring himself to string a sentence together).  

 

Phil grabbed The Duck and began pouring copious amounts of lube over its yellow, rubbery exterior.  

 

"Are you ready?" Phil asked, holding the duck close to Dan's gaping hole.  

 

"Yeah" Dan puffed out, almost out of breath from the most exercise he'd had in months (sex CAN count as exercise).  

 

Phil pushed The Duck in past it's beak and hit the neck of the bath toy.  

 

Dan groaned at the delicious stretch (insert Phil saying "tasty" echoed).  

 

"Do you like that?" Phil asked as he pulled the duck out up to its beak and slammed it back in, hearing a gush of moans from Dan - notifying him that he'd hit his bf's prostate.  

 

Dan pushed back to get more of The Duck into his strained hole before responding. "Yes, yes. Please Phil, more" he panted "I think m'gonna come!".  

 

Phil abruptly pulled The Duck out of Dan, despite his shocked protests. "I think I know something more pleasurable than a toy duck" the black haired sex god sent from heaven said.  

 

He stood up and pulled his boxers down his thighs, throwing them into the abyss of Dan's room to join Dan's pair.  

 

He immediately gave his dick some relief by pumping it a couple times and slicking it up with lube.  

 

He held it close to Dan's hole and pushed in with no resistance, both his and Dan's moans tangling in the air (and travelling through the walls to the neighbours).  

 

As Phil chased his own orgasm, he reached down in between their sweaty, touching bodies and pumped Dan's cock, using the precum as slick.  

 

Phil leaned down to kiss Dan but the hard thrusting of his hips meant that the kiss was just a hot meld of lips and way too much saliva.  

 

He was close and his thrusts became disjointed as Dan's moans became more erratic.  

 

He felt Dan release in between their stomach, already drying to a sticky, cold substance.  

 

Phil thrust in one last time before releasing inside of Dan and working them both down from their much needed finishes.  

 

He pulled out, letting some come drip out as Dan whimpered from his sore ass.  

 

"Does it hurt?" Phil whispered, worried that he'd gone a bit too far.  

 

Dan cleared his throat, trying to rid himself of the embarrassment he was now feeling, being naked in front of his platonic best buddy of nearly 9 years and having his ass stinging because of how huge said friend is.  

 

"Kind of, but it's normal" Dan felt his face going redder by the second, wanting nothing more than to clean off and sleep (and then delete his very pitiful existence).  

 

"I'm sorry for being a bit rough but I can make you feel a bit better" Phil responded. Dan watched as Phil leant down licked a strip over Dan's stinging hole.  

 

"Phil!?!" Dan shrieked, pushing himself off the bed and in a standing position (which was a mistake considering he'd just been fucked really hard and he really needed sleep).  

 

"It does soothe it, Dan" Phil argued, matter-of-factly.  

 

"You are not rimming me, Phil Lester!" Dan shout-whispered.  

 

"Do you not like it?" Phil asked.  

 

Dan groaned and dug his hands into his face. "Phil, I'm not telling you whether or not I like being rimmed! We've been friends for nearly forever, what are we doing?". Dan groaned again before sitting in his bed and holding his knees up, expecting Phil to go.  

 

But Phil obviously doesn't know when a question is rhetorical.  

 

"Dan, I've liked you for ages but I assumed you'd never like me in that way and I was too scared to ask, you know, because I didn't want to be rejected and end up becoming a carrot farmer with no friends who secretly has a cocaine addiction" Phil said, expressing his true feelings. "I know you're kinky AF because of Tumblr - by the way, bunnies, Dan, seriously? I just didn't know how else to make you love me like I love you".  

 

Dan was silent trying to take everything in. Going over the words and trying to process his own feeling. If he was truly honest with himself, he just felt happy. Happy that Phil likes him, loves him even. And why? Because that's what he's secretly wanted ever since he discovered Phil's videos on Youtube. He wanted Phil to love him as much as Dan loves Phil.  

 

"I don't think I can talk seriously with you standing one hundred percent naked in front of me, Phil." Dan was still red faced (from the sex and also from crippling embarrassment).  

 

Phil pulled a pair of Dan's tracksuit bottoms that were near his feet and quickly dressed. "Better?" Phil asked.  

 

Dan nodded and Phil sat down on the bed, leaving a gap between them because he didn't want to make his friend uncomfortable.  

 

"I think I love you too" Dan whispered, keeping his eyes glued downwards.  

 

"Dan" Phil whispered, touching Dan's chin softly.  

 

"Phil" Dan whispered back, finally looking back up. They found themselves staring into each others eyes.  

 

"Let's just do it" Phil said clearly, before pressing his lips onto Dan's.  

 

To say Dan felt fireworks go off around the two boys kissing that night, would have been an understatement.  

 

(now imagine Katy Perry singing Firework live *shudders*)  

 

The end  

**Author's Note:**

> Want to hear a joke? Me. HahahHahA. we all laughed. it was funny. I'm funny. 
> 
> follow me on tumblr for no content for weeks, daily complaining about life and being obvious about my love for Phil Lester even though I'm a lesbian. miss-introvert-universe is the name.


End file.
